Decisions

Decisions

Albert-Einstein-Quotes-HD-WallpaperI have been a little quiet lately, maybe you have become so busy with Christmas that you haven’t noticed but i have. I have been doing some thinking and some praying and I’ve come up with the answer but i am not sure the answer will please everyone, in fact i am sure it won’t please those who think i am going to say ‘yes’.

The problem is that saying ‘no’ comes with it’s own set of problems too. The moment i think that is the answer something else pops into my mind and i think well maybe i am not supposed to say ‘no’. Oh bother, I am back to my ‘I don’t know phase’ again. In front of me there is a door and on the other side of the door is something, but i can’t seem to budge the door even a little to see what that something is. I believe i have faith that Jesus Christ won’t run off and leave me, in fact he is probably stopping the door from opening. It is as if i am being asked ‘make the decision, but neither answer is entirely wrong, as it’s my life.’

The other thing i seem to be doing a lot of recently is sleeping. I think it is a change in the weather. Sleep is supposed to be healing and if that is the case then why am i not all better, already? To allow myself to sleep when i need to the answer is definitely be ‘no’, but saying ‘no’ would bring a big change. Right now i have the choice to say ‘yes’ but once i say ‘no’ there is no going back.

Yesterday i came across the following statement (in a book, where else :))

‘Nothing happens till something moves’ Albert Einstein

That i believed was my answer. If i say ‘no’ the door will open and things will definitely move and there will be no going back. Yes i know it’s difficult for you to understand because you have no idea what i am talking about, but please bear with me, while i make the decision. It is times like these that a significant other (spouse) would be very useful and i am trying to imagine what he would be saying to me right now – it’s very difficult.

You see the problem is, that in the past i have made a choice and then what was on the other side of the door is not what i was expecting and for some unknown reason, to me at least, it hasn’t always felt like i have made the best choice in the world. I feel i am beginning to have a track record for making bad choices and then having to live with the consequences. I am also not very good at waiting for things and i don’t really like surprises, even when they are good.

Saying ‘yes’ means the door remains shut until i say ‘no’ but saying ‘no’ means the door will be opened now. The thing is ‘why would i see the door now, if i am not suppose to open it?’ And nothing will move until the door opens, so the answer has to be ‘no’. These verses of scripture seem to be my guiding light at the moment, for i know that right now i know only part of God’s plan for me, but i also know in time i shall know all things He wishes me to know.

‘For we know in part…For now we see through a glass, darkly; but  then

face to face:now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.’ (1 Cor 13: 9,12)

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7 thoughts on “Decisions

  1. I hope you are arriving at some level of clarity about this. One thing that I do when it is a life changing decision. I ask myself “what’s the worst thing that will happen?” once I can verbalize what that is, I then ask myself “can I live with that?” and if the answer is “yes”, I move forward.
    The other thing is that very few decisions are set in cement. You can sell everything you own and set out to travel for a year like me and then, two month’s later, decide to go back home and settle down again. (not like me) Because we can always change our mind, or most always, we have the blessing and privilege of saying “no, this is turning out like I thought, I’m doing something else”. Some people might call that screwing up, I call it being smart and stepping out of the stupid “you’ve made your bed now lie in it” saying.
    Be gentle with yourself my friend.

    1. Thank you, thank you all i can always count on my friends for support. I have serving as a volunteer family history and it was all becoming too much and i didn’t know whether to continue or to stop. I am supposed to serve for two years which would come to an end in March next year. I have made a decision to reduce my hours considerable so that i can have time to nurture myself. I am a giving person and i find it very hard to say no to others and although no one has said anything to make me feel pressured into staying and serving what was almost a full time job, i do feel like i was letting the team down. Now i shared my decision with the person in charge i will continue but only for 6 hours a weeks instead of 22 plus hours a week as i have been doing. It’s been fun and i love family history and helping someone solve a problem is a good feeling but i need some time and some space. And i can always do more later if i change my mind. xx

  2. It’s so uncomfortable to be in that undecided state, isn’t it? Especially when the only thing you feel sure about is that things are going to change, and you can’t know how that will turn out. Whatever you decide, I agree with Joss – be gentle with yourself.

  3. Wishing you well Beverley in your decision making, choice is hard sometimes if we are uncertain and we doubt ourselves .. Trusting in yourself, and to follow your heart is what you must do.. And if that doesn’t suit others well sometimes you have to put yourself first… Thats not being selfish, its meaning you are giving yourself permission to nurture yourself… Its ok looking out for others and being a yes person to suit their needs, But No sometimes means taking care of your own needs first..
    What ever it is you have my thoughts and I wish you well in your choices.
    Love Sue

    1. Thank you Sue. I did make the decision today and i am not sure if the person who needed to know my decision will be happy with it or not, shall wait and see. xxx

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