I have been a little quiet lately, maybe you have become so busy with Christmas that you haven’t noticed but i have. I have been doing some thinking and some praying and I’ve come up with the answer but i am not sure the answer will please everyone, in fact i am sure it won’t please those who think i am going to say ‘yes’.
The problem is that saying ‘no’ comes with it’s own set of problems too. The moment i think that is the answer something else pops into my mind and i think well maybe i am not supposed to say ‘no’. Oh bother, I am back to my ‘I don’t know phase’ again. In front of me there is a door and on the other side of the door is something, but i can’t seem to budge the door even a little to see what that something is. I believe i have faith that Jesus Christ won’t run off and leave me, in fact he is probably stopping the door from opening. It is as if i am being asked ‘make the decision, but neither answer is entirely wrong, as it’s my life.’
The other thing i seem to be doing a lot of recently is sleeping. I think it is a change in the weather. Sleep is supposed to be healing and if that is the case then why am i not all better, already? To allow myself to sleep when i need to the answer is definitely be ‘no’, but saying ‘no’ would bring a big change. Right now i have the choice to say ‘yes’ but once i say ‘no’ there is no going back.
Yesterday i came across the following statement (in a book, where else :))
‘Nothing happens till something moves’ Albert Einstein
That i believed was my answer. If i say ‘no’ the door will open and things will definitely move and there will be no going back. Yes i know it’s difficult for you to understand because you have no idea what i am talking about, but please bear with me, while i make the decision. It is times like these that a significant other (spouse) would be very useful and i am trying to imagine what he would be saying to me right now – it’s very difficult.
You see the problem is, that in the past i have made a choice and then what was on the other side of the door is not what i was expecting and for some unknown reason, to me at least, it hasn’t always felt like i have made the best choice in the world. I feel i am beginning to have a track record for making bad choices and then having to live with the consequences. I am also not very good at waiting for things and i don’t really like surprises, even when they are good.
Saying ‘yes’ means the door remains shut until i say ‘no’ but saying ‘no’ means the door will be opened now. The thing is ‘why would i see the door now, if i am not suppose to open it?’ And nothing will move until the door opens, so the answer has to be ‘no’. These verses of scripture seem to be my guiding light at the moment, for i know that right now i know only part of God’s plan for me, but i also know in time i shall know all things He wishes me to know.
‘For we know in part…For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then
face to face:now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.’ (1 Cor 13: 9,12)