My Life

My Life

Annual Honesty Lunaria annua seed podsMy friend stole my life!

My friend, Heron brown stole my life! You see, we have an image of what our life is supposed to be like but things happen and sometimes our life is not like anything we expected it to be.  My friend Heron Brown is walking in the dales, staying in a cottage and enjoying the fresh air.  It is not so much that I want his life it is I want the life I had envisioned for myself.

One lovely added bonus fibromyalgia that I have is depression.  Sometimes I think that my depression is the cause of my fibromyalgia.  You see I have suffered from depression ever since I was a teenager but I would say that I only became aware of the fibromyalgia once i had turned 40 years old.  So what came first-the chicken or the egg?  It is difficult for doctors to decide on what causes fibromyalgia, all they do know is that it can be crippling.

Part of life’s plan was to work enough hours to make enough money so I can go out and about and see the beautiful country that I live in.  It was always my desire to join a walking group but as most days I have problems even getting dressed, going for a hike is out of the question.  Not only is it physically difficult for me to function been unable to work is also financially disabling.

For all our planning it is not always possible to be able to determine what is just round the corner.  When I no longer had it able to do that which we are planned to do there is a period of grieving and no one can stop but grieving until you are ready to lay it aside.  I think the grieving can add to the disability and yet I see people every time I am out and about who are more physically unable than I am and yet they seem to get on where their lines as best they can.  Yet I have come to realise that you cannot measure disability by what do you can see alone, are some disabilities and just as difficult but the person to deal with even though they are unseen.

After reading ” live long, die short” by Robert Landry I have come to realise that I can change my life on the better one tiny step at a time.  I do not have to be like anyone else, my life is my own and it is up to me to own it.  Time and time again I read other people’s five year plans; I’m sure you know the ones?  For indeed I am sure that if you put a search in Google you will come up with several different ones.  And yet you plan will not look like any of them and the more you try to make it like somebody else’s plan the more chance you have failing and nobody likes to fail.

So today I am giving you permission to throw away any plan but your life you have based on someone else because no one else has your life.  Today is a lucky day and the reason it’s a lucky day is because it is today I choose my life.  The plan I had before can no longer work no matter how much I wanted to.  Today is also your lucky day as it is your chance to start a new.

So what tiny change are you going to make today?

PS My friend didn’t really steal my life because i have the freedom to chose what i will do right now.

NB My computer is learning speech recognition quickly now and this post was written as a word doc and then copied into here, there are no obvious mistakes in it so any that you find just remember it wasn’t me it was the computer!

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