I have been having such a bad time physically, which because i am made that way, leads to a bad time mentally. When someone suffers from chronic depression the one thing not to say to them is ‘think positive, think about living’ as it is never a good thing.
Yet most people with depression, no matter how bad it is, will have moments of clarity. These are not moments that you can force them to have or even lend them your own. It is something they have to come to themselves. For instance just last week my friend said something not unlike the statement above to me and my reply was ‘why? What’s the point?’ Him telling me what the point is would not have helped me, i had to find that reason for ‘it’ myself. I must admit there are times when i seem to be moaning at him far too often, but his off -hand replies can help me move forward with some thought or other.
Yet today i find a reason to feel very small indeed.
You see today i met a different friend, who i do not see very often, but we catch up when we do. She was with her son. Her son who had just come out of hospital after being in there for over a week and the first thing he wanted to do was go shopping. Her son is about 27, but he may be younger. His name has just been added to the waiting list for a new heart and lungs. You see he was born broken. He was born with Cystic Fibrosis. I told him he should be at home resting, keeping away from the bugs. He said he could do that tomorrow and shrugged at the word bugs.
You see while you walk round with you ‘bugs’, your coughs and sneezes and sniffles thinking you will survive, it’s just a cold you could actually be passing it on to someone to whom it could mean life or death. You see my friend’s son needs to stay well, any slight temperature, any cold, virus or anything that could make him unwell, could mean when the donor organs become available he cannot benefit from them.
So there we are! He is asking me how i am and how everyone else is, whilst he’s brushing aside the fact that he has his own problems. Tomorrow he may be felling – why me, why now – but for today at least he is living and living is good.