Yesterday i promised you (and me) a band aide. After writing yesterday i waiting for others to have their say about how my life should have looked and yet those that i thought would say something did not or have not up till now, so i shall move forward.
I have known God for a number of years, every since my middle teens to be exact. I have come to know him as my Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. But like all relationships, we have had our ups and downs. But no matter what has gone on in the past, my life so far has brought me to this moment and I have come to realise that this moment is all i have.
You see, as i wrote yesterday, i have always been a good girl. I followed the rules. I married a godly man, one who had dedicated two years of his life to serving the Lord in another country, we were then married for time and for all eternity in God’s Holy house, the Temple. Yet after only 12 years of marriage it all fallen apart.
I cannot change the past. I cannot stick it back together. Those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years are all gone. I have been a single parent for the last 16 years. It has not been an easy journey, but i have 4 wonderful children, which i am very proud of, 2 of them are married and i also have 2 amazing granddaughters. Yet there are times when i allow the things of the world to press in upon me and in so doing they block out these precious blessings, so i can no longer see their true value and i find myself continually yearning for something more.
I often find myself unable to explain how i feel or why i feel the way i do, i often feel alone with all my woes, i often pray ‘where are you? why don’t you do something? Yet on Sunday i attended a church conference and one of the leaders said the following to paraphrase it (badly) –
‘…there are some here today who feel so broken that you feel no one understands and you cannot explain it, but God knows and He understands and although you think he cannot fix you, have faith that He can and will‘ – he went on to list a few of these broken people- ‘those who have sinned and do not know how or if they can put it right, you can…those that suffer from addictions such as, alcohol, drugs or pornography…those that are burdened with physical or mental illnesses and problems…the Atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ is for all of you…He can heal you if you have the faith to let him.’
It is time to allow the healing grace of Jesus Christ to permeate my life. It is time to put down my woes and sorrows of things past and be in this one moment. There is only one me and i have only one life, what i learn here i can take with me into the Spirit world we know as heaven to await the glorious resurrection.
Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home: