Over the last two weeks my body as slowly been unravelling. Then last Friday it came apart and hit bottom and so far that is where it seems to be staying. The pain is high and so is the fatigue. I keep have short periods of breathlessness, which is being caused by pain around my rib cage, both back and front.
I am trying to put into practice some of the things i have been learning about mindfulness and live each day in the now. This is not easy. I believe that our inner consciousness is built in such a way that we are able to protect ourselves more effectively through experiences from the past and knowledge of what is to or maybe to come. For this reason it can be difficult to stay in the now, but I am finding that with practice it is getting easier.
In the last two weeks the pain in my body has intensified and the fatigue as been more immediate. There could be a number of reasons why this has happened, but one reason could be that i am doing too much, because my mind feels better so i think that my body is better too. However, as i was sitting pondering upon the causes of this currant flare, a thought came to mind that i have increased the dosage of one of my medications the week i moved, which is now five and a bit weeks ago, and my body either hasn’t got used to the increased dose or it just doesn’t like it and will never get use to it.
However the present flare is preventing me from functioning on even the basic levels of making food, having a shower and being able to get dressed. On the few occasions i have had to do so, everything has taken me longer, for what seemed like forever. Yet, the daily meditations i have been doing have helped me focus in on my painful and tired body and although the meditation and medication is helping to reduce the pain, I am unable to do anything for the fatigue except stop and desist from just about everything. I have even had to cancel plans, which is very frustrating.
I know this flare will pass as it has in past, but to be truthful, it’s annoying!! However it is reminding me that my body needs some gentle care every day and i should be mindful of its needs on a daily basis.