After completing a 30 day meditation pack to help understand depression (Headspace.com), I finished with a number of ups and down, good and bad things. Acknowledging and accepting that I am suffering from depression that is not only a medical condition, but also a condition that as been perpetuated by myself, by not doing those things that would help me to move past the negativity, the darkness and from under the cloud.
There are a number of things that have changed for me in the last 30 days, here are some of them –
1. I took the ‘black dog’ that often sits in the corner of my mind by the scruff of the neck, patted him on the head and through him out the door.
2. I began keeping a gratitude journal.
3. I accept that I am not my depression and my depression is not me.
4. I welcomed joy into my life.
5. I removed several things from my life and i am still working on others.
6. I gradually reduced and then stopped the anti-depressant medication, which was making me physically sick and stopping me from eating properly. I now have to wait 30 days to see what happens
7. I am coming to realise that I may not be the Introvert I have always thought I was but I am a very Sensitive soul, probably one of only 20% of Sensitive souls that are actually Extroverts. A Sensitive Extrovert is a very different kind of person to a Introvert!
8. I am learning that I am entitled to Freedom from other people’s expectations of me; even if they think i am ‘bonkers’…is it really bad thing?
9. I don’t need other people in my life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want other people in my life.
10. I now have an appetite…which the anti-depressants had taken from me.
11. I am entitled to Live, Love and be Happy.
12. There are some things we all need to say good-bye too, but the list is different for each of us.
13. We are all individuals and not clones of each other, we should live our lives in such a way that we are free…
14. I am back writing me novel…
There are so many more, that have come and gone and in doing so they have moved me forward along my journey. We are all different. For some of us those little pills keep us alive and we should not stop them without medical support. For others they are holding us back, keeping us broken, stopping us from moving forward. Meditation is my daily support system. It is allowing me to finally know who I am and what I am and in time I will know in which I direction I should be walking. But, life is one step at a time and there are times when we need to sit and wait at the crossroads until we know where we should go next. Do not let anyone else rush you along, pushing, pulling, coaxing because it won’t be of any use in the end.
Learn to sit a while each day with yourself and see what happens next.